It is perhaps the biggest irony of married life. That a couple has to have sex in order to have a baby, but once the baby is born, they either have no time, or worse, no inclination for sex. While it is a given, that during the nine months of pregnancy one should ideally stay away from sex, often the period of celibacy continues till long after the pregnancy.
On the one hand, the wife gets busier than ever, instinctively slipping into her new job, (a 24x7x365 job, mind you!) – that of playing a doting mother to her baby. On the other hand, the husband, well, as they say, ‘men will be men!’
But, to be fair to men, you can’t really blame them, in this case at least. While pregnancy effects a major change within the female’s body, what with the hormonal changes literally playing havoc with your system, cutting down your carnal desires by a good measure; the man hasn’t undergone any such change. He’s pretty much the same testosterone-driven man that he was on the night you decided to have a baby. So, don’t be surprised if he tries to approach you to relive the marvellous experience of that night.
Alas! The wife, now mom, doesn’t even have the time or inclination to think or talk about it. Sex, if at all it happens, tends to be a one-sided affair. The wife’s pretence of enjoying the act is equivalent to not being in the sexual act at all.
REASONS FOR DISINCLINATION TOWARDS SEX AFTER PREGNANCY
The cutest distraction of all – the baby!
The wife, now mom, is preoccupied with just one thought – the baby. Is she alright? Does she need anything? What is she doing right now? When is her next vaccine due? Was today’s breast-feeding really sufficient for her? What if she starts crying while we are in the act?
While a woman’s entire life is spent trying to balance her hormones, right from her puberty to menopause, pregnancy and lactation send the the hormonal system on a roller coaster ride. The desire for sex takes a back seat, now that the driver’s seat is occupied by the baby!
A new mom’s timetable is jam-packed, tending to the baby 24×7, which leaves her absolutely fatigued. And sex does require some energy!
Lack of privacy
It’s not just you or your hubby, but everybody in the family wants to have his share of memorable moments with your baby. So, even when the baby is sleeping, expect a knock at the door or a call from anybody in the family, enquiring about the baby’s well-being.
The good old Indian customs and traditions
After the auspicious phase of pregnancy and later the delivery of the baby, Indian customs and traditions, still followed by many, come into play – especially if it happens to be the woman’s first child. So, the child is generally delivered at ‘nani’s’ (maternal grandparent) home and taken care of for a good 1 to 3 months there. So, forget having sex, the couple does not even see each other until the wife-turned-mom comes back home, with their labour of love.
So, should you or shouldn’t you?
Now, the question is whether you should indulge your dear hubby in the bed, which will soon be shared by your baby, once she leaves the crib.
Well, while you have become a mother (congratulations!), you shouldn’t forget that you are also a wife. Hell, you are a woman first of all – a woman with her own bodily appetite. Remember, God has programmed us women to be multi-taskers.
If your hubby makes amorous advances after your pregnancy, be glad. Remember, you aren’t the girl he married. You are a woman now – a mother, with stretch marks and a figure that’s not exactly desirable. So, if not intercourse, some romantic moments together – hugging, kissing, cuddling etc– won’t do you any harm. So, every once in a while, do indulge him (and yourself!) It will keep the flame burning.